Ideal Family And Ideal World
Reverend Sun Myung Moon
June 6, 1982
Translator – Sang Kil Han
Many people in the world do not have a precise idea of the meaning of the word “ideal”. However, in our movement we immediately connect the meaning of ideal with the original ideal of God’s creation. What are the contents of that ideal? Have you ever stopped to think about that in detail? Do you think the ideal is something which we cannot touch, something which is invisible? No, you know it is more than that.
One thing you can never do is to lose yourself. By the same token, you are always linked with other people. When you think about the ideal, is it you who is at the center or is it others? The broadest area is the realm of the ideal. You can never completely overrule yourself; so how can you gain a perfect connection with others? The key question is how do we connect ourselves with others.
An individual has four limbs, two arms and two legs. Also you have a nose, ears, and other organs. Physically, when you have all the necessary components, you have the ideal. Are you an ideal self? The body might say, “I don’t need anyone else. I only need to eat,” but that kind of thinking can never be ideal.
The ideal has to include not only oneself but also all things. When you listen to music, is it for only your sake or for the sake of all things? When you are hearing something, your underlying attitude should be that you are listening with your own ears and it is a pleasure, but you are a representative of all things around you when you do it. When you choose the kind of music you listen to, you would want to choose the most universally pleasing kind, the kind which is most pleasing to all things. How do you decide such a thing? All things in nature exist in harmony. For example when the birds chirp, do they chirp in the style of rock music or are they closer to the classical music style? They certainly sing in a “traditional” way. The crow sings in his own way; the swallow does the same. The swallow never sings like a crow and vice-versa. When you sing or listen to music, you are connecting yourself to something lofty and elevated.
I have thought about the differences between rock music and classical music. For one thing, rock music is always accompanied by physical gestures; people constantly move their bodies in time to rock music. Therefore rock music is a “body music.” On the other hand, classical music is more of a “mind music.” A person doesn’t normally move his body, yet when he listens to classical music his mind is elevated and it follows a certain path.
Compare the way you feel after you dance and sing to rock music and after you experience classical music. What is left inside of you? A person who sings rock music empties himself out completely; he is exhausted. However, when a person listens to classical music he is enriched; many new feelings have come to him. We could describe classical music as vertical music and rock as horizontal.
I am not saying that only classical music is valuable; I am only pointing out its obvious differences and distinctions. The whole point I am making here is not about music itself; rather, the question we should consider is what kind of content does any one thing have? Instead of music, let’s consider the way a person enters into academic studies Either he can be thinking, “Once I have completed my courses, I will be able to gain something more from the world,” or he can think, “I want to be able to serve my country and the world better.”
Most ordinary-thinking people are centered upon themselves or their families, at best. It is not usual for people to think about the world or the nation when they approach their studies. In order for a person’s studying to be “ideal,” what would be the standard? The larger the purpose of that person’s studying, the closer to the ideal it would be. If his purpose is to help the universe, that could certainly be considered the ideal way to study.
What is the ideal life that someone could live? Is it to live only for oneself? Certainly, living for one’s family is more ideal; living for the nation is even more ideal; and living for the world and the universe is even more ideal. Living for God is the greatest ideal. There is a connection between oneself and the larger entities. Each person must pay attention to those larger levels of existence in whatever he does.
My topic today is about the ideal family and ideal world, yet before these things can exist, there must be an ideal individual. All those who believe themselves to be ideal individuals, please raise your hands. Out of this large crowd there is not even one ideal person? What is an ideal person? The ideal person is one who is welcomed and liked by all those around him. He is connected with all things in the universe and all things can make unity with him.
In order to qualify for the title of “ideal man,” three people must agree with it. Those three people must represent the three races-black, white, and yellow. Heaven and earth must agree with that, as well. What is the criterion by which they could all agree? Is it because that “ideal man” speaks very well? Or is it because he is very knowledgeable? Or because he possesses enough power to protect everyone? No, he must have true love at the center of his being.
Nothing other than love can be the central element in an ideal person’s being. We can test if this is true. Do only young people appreciate love, while grandparents do not? No, people of all ages desire love; in fact, the older they are, the more people are likely to appreciate love because they know more about it. Parents, teenagers, babies, and even people who have already gone to spirit world like and desire true love. What about the millions of people to be born in the future; will they also follow this pattern? Yes, all people, past, present, and future, like and desire love.
What kind of love are we talking about? True love. What is the definition of true love? True love can penetrate everything, go anywhere. When you say “pure gold,” you can also say “true gold.” Such a gold is like true love-it is the same throughout, with nothing other than gold within it. Pure gold has had constant value throughout history, in all nations, to all people. True love is the same; it has value beyond time and space, beyond history. Its value is eternal. In order for the ideal family to exist, then, we must have that true love at the center.
True love is desirable to a person at any time of the day or night, regardless of one’s moods or situation. When you are in pain, sorrowful or suffering, still you would welcome the visit of true love.
Let us examine the true couple-true husband and wife. Will the true wife put limitations upon where her husband can touch her? No, regardless of where her husband touches her-even if he accidentally hits her in a sensitive spot-she doesn’t mind; she loves him and she is happy with him. Suppose your lover caressed you, not with his hand but with his foot. Would you reject that? No, you don’t mind being caressed even with his feet. Is there anyone who will welcome true love only during certain seasons of the year? Perhaps someone will enjoy love only in springtime, while in wintertime he pushes love away from him. No, this is not normal.
Consider a married couple who has been living together happily for ten years or more. Will they stop enjoying their love once they get older? Can they only love each other when they are young? Unfortunately, we see in America today many people who seek after “convenient” love; they are not interested in investing very much into their love relationships. Moonies, however, do not follow that pattern of the secular world.
Can you see ideal love with your eyes? Can you observe a well-built man and conclude that he has ideal love? You say no, but don’t you women feel attracted to a handsome man and think that perhaps he has a better quality of love to give than someone else? Consider a beautiful woman. Chances are that she will actually have significantly less true love to give than a woman who is not so beautiful. A less attractive woman is more likely to have purer, truer love to give than a beautiful one.
When a man and woman who are very similar are married, how ideal is that? The best match is between people who are very different. Their couple will encompass all different varieties of people; everything and everyone can relate to them. Do you like the concept of an ideal couple? How do you like the combination of a very tall man with a very short woman? In order for such people to get along with each other in harmony, what has to be the unifying element? Is it power, wealth or knowledge? No, only true love has that ability.
Why should a man have to pay much attention to the way a woman’s eyes, nose, mouth or hair look? There are much more distinguishing and important aspects that make a person a man or a woman. Why should not a man be satisfied with a woman, even if all he knows is that she wears women’s clothing?
God is ideal and therefore He would like to see the most beautiful woman marrying the most ugly man. Which kind of a mate do you prefer-the one who is best looking or the one who is closest to the ideal? Actually, if a woman marries a very handsome man, she will probably have to endure a lot of worries! She might wonder, “Will some other woman be chasing after him?” and she will not be able to relax! Women in the secular world constantly chase after the most handsome men; they will try anything to get their love. If your handsome husband is late coming home, you might inadvertently start to worry about him.
The same thing is true with men who have beautiful wives. If his wife spends a lot of time on her makeup and clothing, the husband might wonder who she is trying to impress, especially if she goes out without him looking very fancy. Men in the world are very much attracted to a woman who looks like that, especially men who are more physically oriented. Therefore, the world is full of dangers for a beautiful woman or handsome man.
However, the person whose spouse is only average looking can be free of such worries. Even if your homely husband is gone for two or three days, you don’t worry so much about him getting stolen by another woman! You figure he must have some good reason for being late.
The man with a beautiful wife may start out with a lot of affection for her, but his worries will increase the longer they are married. On the other hand, the man with an average-looking wife may only have to worry in the beginning about how he will learn to love her. But then, as they continue their life together that worry diminishes to nothing.
The man whose wife is very attractive will find things to worry him out of nothing. If she brings home a new pen, he will wonder where she got it or if she had some ulterior motive for buying it. Everything she does can be a source of suspicion to him which he must wrestle with in his mind. If she spends an extra five minutes in front of the mirror before going off for the day, her husband will find some nagging fear inside of him, such as, “She never used to spend so much time in front of the mirror. What has made her change?” The smallest differences in her actions whether she starts to polish her shoes more often or carry a different kind of handkerchief, will become a source of concern to the worrying husband. He will find himself without a moment’s peace of mind.
The lesson here is that we must be able to distinguish true value within a person regardless of what that person looks like. What kind of families are we striving for within the Unification Church? Certainly, we are striving for ideal families but what is the definition of that ideal? Is the marriage of a white man with a white woman necessarily the most ideal way? Actually, the most ideal way would be for a beautiful white American to go to Africa and find his or her spouse there. Such a bringing together of contrasts would be closest to the ideal.
You are standing now on the earth, looking up towards the highest ideals of Heaven. A woman should never look down on a man and a man should never look down on a woman. A woman is an absolute necessity for a man, yet in America even that natural law is being challenged. Men are trying to legally marry other men, isn’t that true?
Why do men need women? It is beyond your choice; it is the way you were created. Women are built with certain physical indentations, while men have certain protrusions. What is marriage? It is the unity of these two differing shapes and characters. This is seen throughout nature, without exception; that is the way God built this world.
God is fair. The man protrudes in one place, but the woman also protrudes in another. The man has broader shoulders while the woman has broader hips. That is very attractive and shows a balance. God displays this harmony throughout the entire universe.
The waves on the ocean do not follow a straight line but rather a curved one. However, the wind blows in a straight, simple direction. Air density varies in different places. When a sparse area of air hits a dense area, it is pushed up or down. It is natural that there be a certain amount of wind on the earth; when the air is perfectly still, it doesn’t feel natural or comfortable. People enjoy seeing the leaves on a tree swaying in the wind; when a tree is stark still, it is not as stimulating to look at.
Generally speaking, do you prefer a high, lofty place or a deep, low place? Women would answer “deep,” while men would say, “high.” What is the difference between man and woman? One is “protruded” and the other is “indented.” Why do we say that the man is the subject? Who is the plus-man or woman? Although I may be talking about this today, who is the one to truly determine that man is the subject and woman is the object? Are you or I the ones to decide? No, God is the one.
Who is in the position to receive? Why is woman in that position? Woman is like a “receptacle.” Unless the woman is in that position, babies simply cannot grow inside of her. The rain falls and the earth receives it, not the sky. That is why woman is symbolized as the earth not the sky or the heavens. The most natural position for a loving man and woman to assume is for the man to be above the woman. The woman naturally receives from the man, therefore she should be on the side of the earth.
All of us are part of the universe; once we understand the laws of the universe, we must go along with them. The man has the greater tendency to give to the woman; that is natural. However, the woman should always think about the welfare of the man in order to harmonize with the universe. Without a man, the woman cannot achieve that harmony.
What distinguishes a famous mountain from an average one? For one thing, a famous mountain will be very high. Also, it will have a great variety of slopes which will make it a great challenge to climb. Do women enjoy a man who is full of variety, or a simple man who is very predictable? Naturally, women prefer a man of interest and variety. Conversely, men naturally prefer a woman of simplicity. It is important that a woman have a basic simplicity; added to that, it is fine for her to have variety. Simplicity in a woman is her best virtue. A woman should be deep, but being deep doesn’t mean being complicated.
Is the Unification Church a lofty, high religion or a low, false religion? You say high. Does that include a lot of variety, or just sameness? Why is the Unification Church a good and high religion? If you compared it with our description of a famous mountain, you could say the same-it has lots of variety. To go through the way of faith of the Unification Church is a difficult thing. You may sit here listening to me for several hours but once you stand up, you have to run back to your mission. There is no in-between.
Moonies have certain common characteristics which are the same all over the world. Do you think you did a good thing to join the Unification Church? Would you like to stop now where you are, or do you want to continue to climb? Certain American leaders contend, “I have my own style so I don’t need anyone else’s.” Also many Americans automatically assume that the Oriental way is inferior to the American one. The Western way alone can never embrace and be accepted by the whole world; the Eastern way must be incorporated together with it. Only then can the whole world be covered.
How can a person decide whether his spouse is good or not before they have lived together? Although I may advise you about the choice of your spouse, you are the one who ultimately must decide about his or her value. You must take that responsibility and make that decision. Although you might have in mind someone other than the spouse I suggested for you, is there any guarantee that that person is actually a better match for you? When I am considering potential spouses for someone, I think about every aspect of each person. Once I approve of a particular marriage, I know that is the best available match for those people. I always think of the children that will come from such a union. I can look at a woman for only a half minute and discern the deepest qualities of her character. For instance, I can see if a woman has a very bad temper. If I were to match her with a man with the same problem, they would not be able to survive together more than three days. Moreover, even if they had children, those children would be terribly damaged because of the conflict that would exist between the parents.
When a man is a great athlete, he needs a soft woman who will be like a cushion for him. One’s family is the basis for all of the historical actions a person will make. The family is the place in which an individual learns to digest life’s experiences.
For a woman with a bad temper, the best mate is someone who can look at her and be intrigued by her nature. He will say, “How interesting that such an element exists in her nature.” The woman may shout shrilly at him, “Come here right this minute, John,” but John will be in no particular hurry to respond. He will take his time and then come to her, asking, “Did you want to say something to me?”
There are different kinds of echoes into a valley. Certainly the most interesting one is full of reverberations, not just a simple one. When a woman shouts out at her husband, he should have a good echo for her. This is reality. The husband should be able to give back a reply which will cushion her shrillness and return something interesting to her. He shouldn’t just give back to her whatever she shouts at him.
You want the best match for you, of course, but how can you decide who that person is? Your ability to judge is quite limited; your viewpoint is rather narrow. However, I have a wide variety of knowledge and resources to draw upon in judging people’s character. I have been known for quite a long time as a specialist in the knowledge of people.
At the time of the 36 couples’ blessing in Korea, I went through great difficulty to match those couples. If someone was very headstrong and refused to accept my advice, I couldn’t force him. Yet time has proven my judgment correct, without exception. After 21 years, such a fact is common knowledge now among the 36 couples. Therefore, those couples understand in a deep way the value and meaning of the matches I recommend for people, perhaps even better than I do.
Of course, you don’t know from experience these things which I am speaking of. You must live for at least three years with your spouse before you can accurately begin to judge whether your match is a good one or not. Therefore, those who are rejecting each other after only three days are being too hasty! Within those three years, you should have at least one baby in order to make that decision properly. At the end of the three years, any person who resisted his spouse in the beginning will be embarrassed to admit how wrong he was. Especially when your baby comes, you will be able to appreciate the value of your spouse. After all, without him or her, that special baby could never have been born.
The reason you marry is more for the sake of your offspring than just for yourself. Some couples’ marriage may serve the primary value of paying indemnity, which is of the utmost importance. Those couples may have to go through lots of indemnity so that plenty of blessing can be given to the country and to the world, as well as to their own family in the future. God wishes some couples to marry for that purpose. Privilege and responsibility go hand in hand. Of course, it is natural to desire the blessing but one must also love indemnity if he loves the blessing. If you fulfill both indemnity and blessing together, that is very good.
There is always a wavelike motion of up and down. When you are well off at a certain time, you will have to come down to a lower position in order to eventually go up higher again. Western civilization has been going in an upward direction for a long time. Natural law requires that those in the upper position, such as America, must keep in mind those who are in the lower position, such as Africa. Unless they do that, they cannot maintain their fortunate position.
I am in the leadership position of the Unification Church so I am at the top of that church. However, I am always thinking of those who are at the lowest point within the church, particularly those suffering missionaries in Africa or South America. I always want to hear any news I can about those members. Did I come to America in order to say nice things and encourage Americans to continue as they have been? No, I came to make America aware of her responsibility. Since America is on the top of the economic curve, she should be helping those at the bottom, such as Africa and South America. Why should I stay here for a long time and still keep such a rigorous schedule and work so hard? Although America is at the top economically, she is incredibly low and miserable in a spiritual sense.
This earth does not prosper economically everywhere at the same time. While one part of the world is going up, another part is bound to go down. When a certain country is at the top it should help those who are in the lower positions; therefore when the cycle is reversed, they will receive help too.
If a man is particularly handsome and special yet is perfectly willing to marry any woman, even the least attractive and least desirable, when he receives the best quality wife, no one will blame him. When a man happens to be matched with the best quality woman, God is not telling them, “You are the best and deserve to be the happiest couple.” Instead, God expects such a couple to serve others from the lowest, most humble position. If a couple dislikes such an expectation from God, they are not worthy of that blessing.
What is it that creates the ideal? Certainly, it is true love. Within the ideal family, there is the father and the mother, the daughters and the sons and ultimately the grandchildren. Why did God create this scheme for the family? This is the dwelling place of God’s love. How does God’s love dwell here? If there were only one person on the earth, a man, could he be the dwelling place of true love? No, one individual could never be the all-inclusive center of God’s ideal love because he would be limited. There are more elements to God’s love than just the masculine.
Always two elements must be connected through the cycle of give and take. Electricity flows because of this principle. There must be give and take between a man and a woman before the cycle of love can be complete. Within the ideal nose, there must be harmonious give and take between two nostrils. When one nostril is plugged up, that nose is not so harmonious. The two eyes are connected at the same point to the optic nerve; when they are not connected, that person will have double vision. Likewise, the ears must focus together on the same sound to hear properly. Why didn’t God create man with only one strong arm and leave the other one off? Through these examples, we can clearly see that the ideal requires a circuit or give and take between more than one part.
The family is basically comprised of true love- unique, eternal, unchanging love. There is an Oriental story about love and the different qualities of a man’s and woman’s love. A couple had a baby but the baby died; so the mother wept for many days, day in and day out. The father, however, didn’t show his grief so much; he ate his meals and continued to function. The wife, however, could not even eat; she became angry at the man and said, “Are you made of stone? How can you not have any emotion at such a time?” Then the husband, rather than saying anything, just vomited blood. He was suffering inside to such a degree, but on the outside he never showed it to anyone.
This story illustrates that women are not really more sensitive to love than men. What if both men and women expressed their feelings in the same way, with both of them weeping or laughing very strongly? That would not be so good for the stability of the family. God figured all these things out. Men and women are essentially the same, yet very different in expression; they are so different sometimes, they irritate each other. However, that is the way of harmony. Within love, these two different natures are bound to be harmonious.
On the horizontal plane, the man is in the plus position and the woman in the minus. Even though he is an individual, the man represents all other men in the world; the woman can appreciate all men through her husband. The same is true for the man. Therefore, a man and woman are not constantly competing with each other; instead, they only seek to make total oneness with each other and encompass the world with their love.
The man and woman together represent all mankind; within the family, all elements are represented. Women tend to be more realistic while men are more idealistic. Women usually want to keep their men close to them and do not normally like to have them far away. However, for the sake of his high ideals a man may decide to go away from his family for even a few years, but this is not because he doesn’t love them. A woman can normally never do such a thing; only a man.
Only because of the striving nature of men has mankind achieved what it has so far. Men are made that way; they are designed to reach out for things which they cannot see with their eyes but can only imagine. A man naturally seeks after his dream, his ideal, while women are more concerned with the here and now rather than the future, intangible realm. Isn’t this true? This is why we say that man is symbolized by heaven and woman by earth.
What is the will of the universe? Basically, the universe desires the harmony of true love. When a man and woman are dwelling together in harmony, they represent all of mankind, also heaven and earth. When they are dwelling in this way, they have achieved the realm of the ideal.
Marriage is the means by which God can bring heaven and earth and all of mankind into focal unity. Such unity is not merely conceptual; it is within people, so it is entirely real. Men and women yearn for each other continuously, even in spite of themselves, to fulfill this cosmic will. Within the focal point of the family, people eat, sleep and go about their daily lives. When the family dwells at the focal point of God’s love, that is the ideal family.
Now you know what is the ideal family. The father is there representing heaven, the mother represents earth and then the children represent all mankind. Also, the family represents the sovereign nation. The father is like the “president” of the family; that means he must take responsibility for upholding all the laws and orderliness of the family. He must be the one ultimately to distinguish between what is right and wrong within that family. If the father is in the position like a judge, then the mother’s position is like that of a lawyer. The position of prosecutor is filled by the law itself We know that it is necessary to uphold the laws of a country; likewise, within each family there should be laws which are upheld and enforced by the father. That is one of the father’s responsibilities. There is a great distance today between this original standard and the reality of today’s families. Young people in many families deny that they need the guidance of their parents. What those children are actually saying is, “I don’t care about the past or the future; I only care about now.” That is animalistic. The grandparents are the generation of the past, the parents are the generation of the present, and the children are the generation of the future. Thus past, present and future must be united and harmonious for the betterment of mankind.
There is always room for revolution in such areas as economics and politics; however, in the relationship of heart within the family, no revolution is possible. Love is beyond revolution because it is eternal and unique. You needed your parents’ love as a child but then at some point you left their home for the sake of a higher love or ideal. If your parents really loved you, you would have to go back to them at some later date.
We must experience the three generations of love: grandparents, parents, and the love of brothers and sisters. Before you stand as a completed individual of ideal love, you must have experienced these three kinds of loves. These are the three objective purposes of love.
Most contemporary families are living only for the sake of the present; however, the husband and wife must give serious consideration to the past as well as to the future. If they have only the horizontal connection and no vertical connections, they can hardly qualify as an ideal family. Let me ask you women: do you need your mother and father-in-law, no matter how old and crippled they may be? Will your children respect and love their grandparents? The most important connection is the vertical one, rather than the horizontal, because it is the root and the basis of the universe. Love came down to mankind from above; it did not move from west to east in a horizontal direction. Thus the first direction of love was vertical; then the horizontal direction came to exist.
Whom should a person love first-his spouse or his grandparents? He should love those in the vertical direction. Two people love each other horizontally, but they must always re-connect to that vertical relationship. Thus their love can flow downward to their children and create one complete cycle. The husband and wife should love each other with all their heart; then together they love their parents and their children.
More and more people are divorcing their spouses yet no one wants to divorce their children. Why is that? It is because the love between the child and the parent is more fundamental to a person than the love of a spouse. That love between children and parents is along the vertical line which connects each person to God. The immediate question that arises when a couple thinks about divorce is over who will have custody of the children.
It is according to the ideal that a couple love each other and then they love their children, but they also love their own parents as much. That would be the accomplishment of the triple objective purpose. Western civilization must take heed of this truth. Unless they establish their families with the proper center, this civilization will be destroyed. How can we say such a thing so certainly? It is because of the law of the universe-the universe itself will not permit an unlawful civilization to exist for very long.
That is why we say that the family is the textbook through which we learn about the ideal country. The ideal country is the textbook for the ideal world; the world is the textbook for the ideal universe. Thus, we have four textbooks for learning but the family is the most basic one. Husband and wife must completely love each other; then they must completely devote themselves to their children and their own parents.
The nation is basically a collection of families in which all the generations are included. Each extended family symbolizes one small country. You must make your family one which is loved and approved of by all those around you-your parents must approve and your children must appreciate it. That is when the man actually becomes the “president” of his family, which is a micro-country.
Thus the directions of up and down, left and right and front and rear must remain connected harmoniously to the couple. How much should you love your parents? The standard is to love them as much or more than you love each other. As much as you appreciate your own family, you should respect other families; in that way, the interconnections of one peaceful nation will come into existence. If you want to truly love your country, you must do it in this fashion-by loving those in your immediate surroundings, then loving your more distant relatives, and then branching out further and further until you can love anyone within the nation. All you need to focus on is learning to love all your relatives. Once you have mastered the art of loving all those different relatives, you can go to any nation, in any part of the world, and love anyone there. The president of any nation must meet this qualification.
Such a principle can be expanded all the way to the world level. Thus there could be such a thing as a king of the whole world, if he had such a level of love. This can be expanded all the way to the spirit world and everything else in the cosmos is included within. In the family, the individual level is the first realm of challenge; however, within the level of the world one must be able to love nations and races. On the level of the universe, one must be able to love beyond time-past, present, and future must be within your realm. How can you hope to find unity with generations of thousands of years ago when you find it difficult to find unity with your grandparents and parents? The same is true of the future.
All of this training must begin in the family. There is a family president, then a nation’s president, then a world’s and ultimately a cosmic president. Doesn’t this stand to reason? Who was supposed to be the original cosmic president? It was Adam, along with Eve. The ideal was to have Adam’s family populate the entire earth and cosmos. As time went on, all of spirit world would be filled with ancestors of that family and the earth would be populated by the descendants of Adam. Adam’s and Eve’s country would have been God’s country.
Spirit world is the place where Adam would have been the ruler, the president. Earth was supposed to be the place where Adam’s descendants would have ruled according to Adam’s tradition. Such would have been Heaven on earth. Do you understand Heaven on earth now? When a person goes to spirit world, he is bound to go where his ancestors are. Each person has innumerable ancestors in spirit world. They will all try to test the new person by their own yardstick-they will judge him according to their standards. How will you pass that judgment from your own ancestry? The qualification to pass that judgment must come from within your family.
There are many levels of judgment in the spirit world and the only way to pass all of them is by going successfully through the training of the family while we are on the earth. The ideal tradition is that of the true parental tradition. The true parent is the president of his family. The nation as well must be ruled by a true parent. If someone is president of the United States, he should be the true parent of the nation. His mind should go beyond his own family, beyond his clan, and care for the entire nation. That is required of a president.
As we have discussed, the larger a person’s realm of heart, the closer he is to the ideal-a person must be able to go beyond himself, his family, his nation, and so forth. The ideal nation can come into existence when the people love the true parents on the national level more than their own families.
No matter how important a person may be on this earth, if he doesn’t satisfy the requirements of spirit world, he will not be welcomed there. That is the most practical reason why a person must fulfill those requirements. The very reason why we must love the true parents of the nation more than our own personal family is in order to realize the ideal world. Beyond the national level, there are the true parents of the world who must be loved more.
What is the difference between the marriages of the Unification Church and those of the secular world? We are – different because we know that we must be able to go beyond our own personal families and dedicate ourselves for the larger and larger purpose-the country and the world levels, for example. Everything we do is dedicated toward achieving that goal of living for the highest purpose -that means we get married for that purpose and everything we do is to realize God’s ideal. In other words, the Unification Church is a movement in which we are bringing the true parental heart to all levels of life in order to realize God’s ideal. That is why we must sacrifice smaller levels such as family for the sake of larger levels, such as the nation and the world.
When we actually carry out this standard it will remain as the new tradition for the realization of the ideal world. We are seeking with so much effort to achieve this tradition while we are here on the earth. That is what we mean by the Kingdom of Heaven on earth-the creation of the ideal family and its expansion.
That is the position I am in now-I have been sacrificing all smaller levels of my life, including my own personal family and nation, for the sake of achieving a world family.
Language is a real barrier. When Dr. Durst attends breakfast at East Garden, he is sometimes the only American there. I might give detailed direction to the Korean leaders and he cannot understand any of it. I feel sympathy for him because he has to miss out on so much. How much better it would be if all the world only spoke one language! My studies of English in Korea did not do any good when I came here; the only words I easily understood were yes and no. Do you feel content to receive only the translation of the words I speak to you, or do you desire to understand the Korean in order to know the deepest meaning? You want to know Korean because it is the original language of the Divine Principle.
Imagine if some comedian such as Bob Hope tried to tell jokes by translation – could the effect possibly be the same? The audience could only understand a small percentage of the true humor behind the jokes, perhaps only 20%. When you go to spirit world, you will feel so much pride if you can say, “I listened to Father in Korean. I studied very hard in order to be able to understand him.” You will feel much better than if you have to say, “I didn’t study Korean so I had to depend upon the interpreters to tell me what he said.”
Language is ultimately for the sake of the expression of love. When two people are in love, they certainly don’t want another person standing between them interpreting their words. In the fourth part of our Pledge, we say, “I am proud of the one culture.” You might ask, “Why should we only have one culture?” However, in regard to the ideal, one culture is truly a must. One culture must arise out of one heart. If you really want to achieve that one heart, you should realize how important it is that you learn the language of the True Parents before you go to spirit world.
When I reach out to someone in love through my language, he cannot receive the depth of that love if someone else must stand in between interpreting my words. In an ideal family you cannot have a language barrier. Without the achievement of the tradition of the ideal family, you can never achieve the ideal world.
The ideal world is inextricably linked with tradition- the tradition which comes from true parents and true children. This is the case in a school, where the teacher is in the position of parent and the student is in the position of child. Likewise, within a company the employer is in the parental position and the workers are in the children position. This principle extends throughout the society, within all organizations. The subject-object relationship, or that of parent-child, pervades all levels of existence.
Due to the fall of man, the improper kinds of relationship within the family came about; thus the great philosophical questions and difficulties of societies could never be solved. The relationship between employer and employee, for example, has never been understood. Where is the solution found? As we have said, the solution to mankind’s long sought-after social problems is within the ideal family and the extension of that ideal to all larger levels. This is truly the only answer.
Today many people in America think that Reverend Moon is somehow “enslaving” young people by requiring them to work hard every day. However, I am giving you training for your survival in the future-you are learning to become people of larger and larger heart and capabilities. The best way to achieve that goal for your future is by going the way we are going at this time. You do fundraising and that money is dedicated for the sake of the world, not just for the sake of the nation. Why do we work at the world level? You will be living on the level of the world soon, so your work now must be dedicated to that level.
I know where you will be going in the future-if you tried to get there alone without any guidance from me, you would have to struggle for a very long time, even for thousands of years. However, when I push you toward certain accomplishments which seem very difficult at the time, you can achieve in five or six years what would have taken you five or six hundred years on your own, at the very least.
Do you think that the American church president or the Japanese church president is capable of setting the tradition for the entire world? No, only the True Father can set the tradition properly. I know that and that is why I push you-and why I push myself first. We all have a limited time on this earth. During my lifetime, I have been very busy establishing the necessary economic traditions and social traditions, especially in education. This is in order that you and your descendants can follow this tradition in the future-the formula course is for the sake of the future, even more than for today.
There is no secular leader who can solve the problem of violence in society. The answer must come through the Principle. The problems of the breakdown of morality and religion, as well as the rise of communism, cannot be solved by secular means. Where is the solution to be found?
The things I am teaching you are the things which ought to be done by the entire world. Your fundraising is genuinely for the sake of the world; there is no other group which is doing such things for the sake of the whole world. Which lifestyle is more difficult-yours or mine? Because I am taking responsibility for the world and all the consequences, my life is certainly more difficult. This is in accordance with the Principle-the parents must work harder than the children.
You have been educated to dedicate the use of any money you receive for the sake of a larger good than yourself, especially the world and our descendants in the future. If we did not have a deep love and concern for the future generations, we would certainly not have to work so hard. Why should I work so hard and push you to work hard, unless I have that kind of concern?
The very basic building block of the ideal universe is the true parental heart, which is found first within the ideal family. As you learn to love within your family unit it should lead you to higher and higher levels of serving. It is virtually impossible for a member of the white race, for example, to learn to love people of the black race all by himself. However, within the family a person can learn to love all kinds of people and expand his heart to include those for whom he has very little in common. For example, when you learn to appreciate your parents-in-law, who may be very different from you, you can come to understand people who are very different from you, such as those of other races. Without gaining such an understanding from God, how can we even think about contributing to the future of this world?
Mr. Kamiyama’s brother has been working very hard in Brazil. Recently I asked him to come to America and work here and I know it was very difficult for him. He was very comfortable and established in Brazil and America is truly a foreign place to him. However, he thought, “Brazil is one nation, while America is a representative of the whole world. If I go there, I will be taking a step toward a larger level.” He has come here and is working very hard. I know that if I asked him to return to Brazil, he would go back very eagerly and happily.
When any of you are asked to go to some communist satellite country, will you be afraid or will you go forward eagerly and gladly, happy to do the will of God? The president of the American church should be ready to go to Africa and be president there.
The ideal wife is one who is willing to say, “I do not mind if God sends my husband on a dangerous mission.” That family has the capacity to stand at the center of the world-level family. They must suffer in the present, but later their day of recognition will come. That is for sure.
Now you know the meaning of the ideal family. That ideal family is situated at the center of the world. When a person has lived his life on earth and learned from his family as his “textbook,” he can go to spirit world and adapt freely in any place. He will know true freedom there. That is why we urge ourselves and each other to sacrifice our families now for the larger purpose-the country or the world’s purpose.
When we go to spirit world, we will meet with literally thousands of generations of our ancestry. Each one will want to test us but we can pass with one qualification, if our family life is according to the requirement of the ideal family. They will welcome you with the greeting, “This is your eternal homeland. God is your parent; may you have an everlastingly happy life here in Heaven.”
There is an inseparable link between the ideal family and the ideal world. This is eternal truth; therefore, it is unchanging, unique and absolute. I pray to Heavenly Father that I may move in accordance with His timetable. If a person has a certain heavy responsibility, he must repent deeply if he doesn’t do well.
I have taught many things to the members of the church. What if I do not accomplish those things myself? That is my first consideration before I teach you something. If my own conscience were continually bothering me, I could no longer communicate with you spiritually. There would be a barrier between us. The fact that I can communicate spiritually with you indicates that I have been achieving my portion of responsibility. Whenever I hear rain fall on a tin roof and it makes a lot of noise, I immediately think about our African members who must sleep beneath such roofs. I don’t worry about my own children first and whether they are warm and safe. Instead, I think about other people first. That way of thinking becomes a habit.
I must remain one step ahead of our members. When you are on the family level, I must be working on the national level. Likewise, when I am working on the world level, you are on the national level. I must continue to pioneer the way for you. I must continue to do this until the end of my life. I know that I may not be well understood while I am living on the earth but in time the world will understand me. In spirit world, I will be completely understood-God himself, as well as all the people in spirit world will understand me. I can be satisfied with that knowledge, even though many people in this realm do not understand me at this time.
I try not to pay much attention to those who unjustly criticize me and persecute me. I know that if I suffer in this way, the way all the saints did in the past, there will be that much more satisfaction and fulfillment in the spirit world. Therefore I want to forgive those who persecute me; they are enabling God and spirit world to love me all the more. This is the most positive attitude to have.
When you are permitted by God to start your family, you are being permitted to begin working on your basic right to inherit the Kingdom of Heaven. In other words, that is the first step towards realizing the Kingdom of Heaven. With such awesome significance to your marriage, can you look at your spouse and say, “Oh, I don’t like the way he/she looks,” or “l wish he had more education,” or some sort of criticism? This is especially wrong when you haven’t even spent three years together. How can you dislike someone before you have even given the relationship a serious try? This is absurd.
Perhaps you have some ideal type of person in your mind, with a certain appearance or characteristic and you insisted that you be matched with such a person, even though I was not so enthusiastic about the match. What if you received that person you found desirable, but soon afterwards he or she was killed in an automobile accident? I am asking if you can have absolute assurance that when you choose someone according to your own tastes, you will have healthy, normal children and will live together with your spouse in a long and happy life? Can you make your own happiness by yourself? No, you need someone who can help you. Who is that someone? That is the True Parents, the Divine Principle, the Heavenly world, and especially God.
How do you know about someone’s background? How can you judge someone’s character? Will your spouse have a larger or smaller background than I do? If you know your background is smaller than mine, then you know that you will have a smaller reason for making decisions. Also, do you think I am taking your marriage less seriously than you do since I am not the one getting married? No, because I know more about marriage and children than you, I am even more serious about your marriage than you are.
When I tell you, “Such a marriage will not work,” you may wonder how I can know. I have a special spiritual “antenna” which never fails. When I feel a match is bad, it is always bad. That is not because I want it to be bad; it is simply the truth.
Are you ready to create an ideal family? In my own experience, when I once said something that was wrong it took seven months of intense effort and prayer to indemnify that. Still the situation wasn’t as good as before. If just saying some words that were wrong had such consequences, imagine what would be the result of one action of love that was wrong. It would take tens of thousands of years of indemnity to wash that away. Your marriage is the most awesome and truly fearful position to be in. This is a chance that comes once in hundreds of thousands of years. Do you think that deeply about it? I do.
Have you ever considered that when you newly blessed couples go out into the world, all the attention of the world will follow you? I have already told you that blessed families are the focus of God’s love. Is that just a concept? No, it is a reality. Even though you may not see it, the attention of the spirit world is always upon you. This is the awareness I have whenever I do anything or go anywhere. I know that I am always under an invisible limelight from spirit world. I am like the locomotive or the pulling force for the entire Unification Church family; whatever I do or pray for will be followed by you. We are like a Heavenly “love-train,” and I am the engine car. Have you ever stopped to think like that?
You can never just evaluate others, including your spouse, according to superficial qualities or physical appearances. The ideal is much deeper than such things. Do you understand? Are you already thinking about kissing each other? Yet according to Heavenly standards, your mouth is that of a thief’s. Can your hand caress your bride’s hair and have the hair exclaim, “Oh, my husband’s hand is an ideal hand.”? Can you look at your bride with ideal eyes? Do you have a genuine, pure and spiritually elevated feeling toward your spouse?
The place of your wedding ceremony is actually the place of your great judgment because if you make something good out of your marriage, you will receive all the rewards of Heaven. If you make something bad out of it, that damage is irreversible; you will be making Hell for yourself. Perhaps you say, “I feel overwhelmed by the magnitude of all this. What should I do-the wedding is imminent?” One thing you can do is to have complete trust in the words I have spoken. Receive those words as your protection and your supervision. If you try to live in accordance with those words for your life, you can be confident about the future. If you resolve not to waver or look back you can have confidence. Pledge to God one thing, “Father, whatever the difficulties may be in the future, I know that my best friend and best helper is my spouse. I will never let go of him, even if he kicks me. It is out of the question to ever disown him.” You should pledge this to God above all else. If you do not do this, you may get married but you may not bear the best fruit.
If you should transgress your pledge of love, someday in the future when your children are born they will remind you of your past sins of immorality. How guilty you would feel for the rest of your life-even into spirit world! This is true especially now because you have been given the truth; if you did not know, you could make a mistake with less consequence. Who will judge you and curse you? Not I, nor anyone else, but your own heart, body and spirit.
Bear in your mind more than anything else since the blessing is less than a month away that if you do well, all goodness will come to you. Make up your mind that you will not make a mistake. Don’t look at other people and try to find fault with them; look instead at yourself. When you do that, others will respect you. Your spouse will respect you and will be inspired to love you. When the husband treats his wife and others with great respect, she will be inspired to be obedient because he represents the standard of Heaven.
If you have really listened to today’s sermon, you will realize that what you can see in a person’s external appearance is a very small amount of what that person truly is. Before you criticize your spouse, you should criticize yourself. If you can honestly say that you are completely perfected in heart and spirit, then perhaps you are qualified to choose any spouse you wish or to criticize your spouse any way you wish.
In the Bible there is a very graphic illustration of this point. Jesus came upon a crowd preparing to stone to death a woman caught in immorality, according to the law of the time. Before they killed her they asked Jesus his opinion about the situation. At first he just bent down and wrote with his finger in the sand, pretending to ignore them. However, the people pressed him to answer and he told them that those people who were free of sin should throw the first stones. One by one, the crowd dispersed until there was no one there except the accused woman who bowed down to Jesus.
How about you? Are you any better than those people? Can you say, “I refuse to be criticized but I will criticize others.”? This is a very serious matter. You women should consider yourselves as representing all of woman kind. If you treat your spouse unjustly no one else will know; however, the women in spirit world will know and they will accuse you for that. The same is true for you men.
You must pay more attention to the true meaning of your marriage. I am speaking today to give you a reminder in preparation for your upcoming marriage. You have been receiving guidance and preparation for a long time.
You understand what I am saying very clearly, don’t you? There is nothing ambiguous about it. I wish all of you very good fortune and I ask you to prepare yourselves very seriously during the next weeks. You must remember that all eyes in spirit world and even in this world because of the publicity, will be upon you. All your blessings in the future begin from your marriage. According to the maturity and genuineness of your love, the real blessings of life will come to you. Those couples who maintain their appreciation for the special age we have been born into, continuously praising the love of True Parents and feeling truly grateful for everything that comes to them will realize the deepest blessing in life. Even if you must endure great difficulties and work endlessly without any break, if you maintain your gratitude to God under every circumstance then where else would God want to give His blessing except to your family?
As I observe the 36 couples I see a wide variety of experiences-one was thrown into jail and endured extreme difficulties while another had a much easier situation. I observe how they responded to everyday life. Those who are grateful in every situation, including the difficult ones, are the ones I want to praise and single out for greater blessing. I have looked at those 36 couples with a mind to match the children of the most worthy with my own children. I have been saying to Mother lately, “Pay the most attention to the spiritual standards of people, not to the worldly standards. Observe how much they have prayed and worked hard with tears. Recognize those people above the secularly successful ones.” This has been our frequent topic of conversation lately.
Sometimes I give money to someone in order to see how he will spend it. I always respect the person who carefully uses his money and saves as much as he can to use for the best purpose. Some people just spend money without thinking.
To establish a tradition, you need to have three generations observing it, grandparents, parents, and children.
It is not so valuable to be grateful to God when you are receiving a lot of blessing-anybody can be grateful then. However, when you are in a painful, bitter situation and still grateful, that is what really means something.
You know that Mother is a good mother, right? Do you think I asked for that kind of wife for myself? No, I prayed to God, “I will be satisfied with anyone You give to me. I will help her to become the best woman in the world, regardless of who she is.” That was my thinking. Because I was able to appreciate all kinds of women, God was able to give me such a wife as Mother.
That is the principle. Whoever you are matched with, remember that he or she is the fruit of a long and complex background. Without any love in your heart, can you say, “I don’t like him/her?” What makes you so great that you have that kind of privilege? If you think you are that great, then you are greater than God-God himself cannot reject anyone. I cannot, either. All the earlier generations of blessed couples in the Unification Church never made demands according to their own narrow preferences and tastes. Therefore you should digest the bad points of your spouse, whatever they may be, and learn to love him or her.
May God’s blessing be with you. Let us pray.